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Omg. How long has it been? A year?

Hi, I’m back!

Well, not really. My last post was talking about time, about how I dont have time. I still don’t. But at least I think I’m coping better.

Seriously, whose reading what I write now? See the red X button up there. Click it because I have no idea why you’re reading this shit.

Things have changed.

I learnt to floss. Stupid I know. But how many people really do floss? Tell me. The thought of the thread going IN MY GUMS scare the poop out of me. Yet I do it. I’m a flossaholic wannabe now.

I learnt that, you can have the best relationship, love wise, in the world but it will only be the best that you make it out to be.

I learnt pilates, well, just. I’m like a rubberband now.

I wore shoes 5 days a week.

I wear pants well, cloth that covers my legs 5 days a week.

I’m just rambling. Please ignore me.

I know this is cliche, complaining that I dont have enough time but its true. There’s only so many things I can do in a day.

By the time I’m done doing my stuff, its time to call it a day. I dont even have time to talk to people around me, I dont have time to call long-lost friends, like what i do in the past.

I keep a bunch of close friends by my side and that’s about it. Its selfish but I wanna be able to keep everyone in close contact and by my side.

So if you feel that i havent been contacting you, its because I really dont have the luxury of time, at least not now. I tried, but i’m just human and thats about all I can do.

I did it again.

Yup, I did it again, my hormones went out of control and I lashed out at him again.

This time, for not telling me where he put my grandma’a keys.

I hate it when my mind just clogs up with stuff and suddenly, panic sets in.

I know I shouldnt, I know I should have kept cool and its not his fault but at that point of time, I would go berserk if I exude calmness.

In my mind there were so many things, how my dad didnt call to tell me where he was going, my living room light went crazy, my table was messy from doing so many people’s make up, my period which showed all signs but no blood at all, how he had to go to Ubi and yet because of everything, he had to go late and I was worried that it was dark and he had to go home alone.

So many things. I guess my mind could not prioritise at that point of time.

I said he overeacted. I guess that person is me. I saw tears and pain in his eyes as I lashed out, yet I held mine back because there were plenty of things to do.

Such a bad weekend, we did nothing but argue and quarrel. I’m tired, so is he.

Maybe it has come to point where we’re both gonna be so tired that we dont wanna try anymore.

I told him before, I was highly irritated and frustrated. Why didnt he just understand that part and give in to me? So that I wouldnt need to launch into a whole ‘lecture’.

This is the way I’ve been talking. Even if I said it softly, he would bite back with a defensive remark and I would raise my voice again in order to let him understand my point.

This whole week when we met, I just felt that he was sick of seeing me, he was just playing along, he looked so bored.

Maybe he is.

Then why do I still try so hard?

Its a double-edged sword. Every time I scold him, my heart hurts from scolding him and from what he did that led me to scold him. It hurts both ways. I wished he knew that.

He stood up to walk away and I held him back but he pushed my hand away.

It hurt so bad, inside.

I know he feels tired. I feel tired too, the constant double hurting.

What should I do to just give the both of us happiness again?

Short-lived pain and then longer happiness?

I feel like I can’t hold on for the both of us any longer. I feel like one day I’m gonna ruin you.

I hope I can disappear from your life right now, and that you dont have any memories of me. That you only know me as your classmate.

Maybe this was all wrong from the start.

I am disappointed. Extremely disappointed.

I always thought that when in a relationship, you learn from your partner and your partner learns from you. I’ve probably been living in my own idealistic bubble.

I thought opposites attract. I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert, he listens, I talk.

Would it come a day when everything crashes? Would it come a day when he listens but doesnt do anything about it.

My friend said “Guys go into relationships hoping their partner wont change, girls go into relationships wanting their partner to be a changed person”

But think about it, the reason why girls often ask for change is because once guys enter the relationship, they cease to do what they did in order to ‘court’ the girl. They are no longer that caring, that sweet.

The boy who opens the door for you, now opens the door for himself, hopefully he swung it hard enough for you to go through without him holding it for you.

The boy who used to open your car door, now just unlocks the door on his side as now one button unlocks all 4 doors.

The boy who used to write you letters now send you 1-2 word smses.

The boy who said he’d give up the world for you, now expects you to give up the world for him.

Girls also dont want their guys to change. They dont want the sweet guy to change into the uncaring guy who doesnt care less anymore because they ‘got girlfriend already’.

Thats all I have to say.

Oh just eff off.

Some people just have the tendency or somehow instinctively want to put others down, its either they feel better after they put people down or they just can’t stand to see people around them being all skippy and happy.

I’m not pinpointing a particular person, just how I feel in general or how I feel when people tell me about how other people put them down.

Come on,

 If you’re sad and complaining about your own life, dont act as if that is my problem. I feel sorry for you but it doesnt mean I have to be as sad as you.

If something doesnt go your way, dont give me shit about it. Its not as if I wanted it to be bad for you so keep your emotions in check. Don’t be a sore loser when I’m happy bitch. And dont effing give me attitude.

And if you’re truly happy for a goddamn day, I’m happy for you but honestly, you dont have to boast about it. For one day that you’re happy, I’m happy on the other 364 days.

All these sad people who cannot let others be happy around you, you need to start doing a reality check on the inside and find out what’s wrong with you.

People who cannot let others be happy are/have

1) Insecure, they need to know others are sad as well so as to not feel alone.

2) Inferiority complex – none of my biz man. if you think you’re inferior, you are. It doesnt mean I am too.

So the solution? Be happy. Be happier. Constantly surround them with happiness until they cant take it and bitch behind your back.

They’re not friends after all if they bitch behind your back when you’re happy.

Pathetic sore losers in life.

Guess what, I’m still happy with mine.

Its been a long time, I havent been very good at updatinf regularly, like all my other sites as well, oh well.

I doubt anyone really reads this anyway haha.

My sister’s getting married next year, sheesh, she’s still like a child to me, just that she now operates an automobile, and whenever she does, my life is in her hands.

Its hard to grasp hold of the fact that we’re no longer children anymore, and we’re making life decisions. It used to be such an adult thing that “we” children stay out of it. Now, we’re in it.

Soon, its gonna be my turn. I’m also getting married, have kids, have everything I need in life and then retire to enjoy my golden years.

Alot of times, i think, is that all to me? Is that all i’m gonna have? Can I have more?

And I realised that alot of times, we’re just too greedy. I am too greedy. There are things to appreciate around me which I havent and I, from now, will give attention to things around me which I have neglected.

My chinchilla. How many times have I just fed her, gave her water, a few scratches and walked away?

How many times have I accompanied her, just sit beside her and let her run free?

I havent been a good owner, and now she isnt eating much, I dont know if its old age or she’s having some sickness because prey animals usually hide their pain very well.

I know what’s in store for me. I’m not going to see any symptoms until she lays still in her cage, with no heartbeat. But no amount of mental preparation is going to help with the real thing.

Lucas is 8 years old. Chinchillas in captivity usually lasts about 10 years. So I am scared that I’ll lose her anytime.

She has been such a great part of my life. She’s like an old granny now. Sometimes I wonder if she is afraid that I will forget her when she’s gone so she makes alot of noises in her cage.

sigh, the things in life.

Thank God

I am not religious but I think I really need to thank all the gods and lucky stars that have helped me achieve my dreeeam timetable.

No morning classes.

No Saturday classes.

After all the shit, failing my economics, bidding and not getting the electives that I want, ended up with Management Accounting and HRM, this is such good news.

Thank all Gods. I love you guys.

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