I HAVE MOVED!

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LOVE!

“Babe, your husbands have arrived”

What a cuteeeeeeeeeee message from SKF. I’m SO EXCITED FOR THEM TO COME IN THIS EVENING.

They are……………………

my makeup brushes from ELF studio and Everyday minerals. Yes, I am easily amused.

(:

Goodbye, my little friend.

Yup, Duke has gone to safer place now. I am sad yes, but I am glad that Duke no longer has to suffer anymore.

Duke is old, very very old. Old for a hamster. Duke is over 3 years old and naturally I knew someday I would have to let him go. Still, no one can ever prepare for a demise.

I woke up in the afternoon just like any other day and since its Sunday, its a routine to clean all cages. Then I saw Duke lying in his foodbowl. Typical of him, he sleeps on his food alot. But this time, it was diferent, he didnt seem to be moving and it looks like he’s stiff. I peered closely and felt my heart breaking. This tiny tiny thing was a part of my life for 3 years.

My cousin bought Duke along with Luke, both were brothers. They grew at an astonishing rate, Luke was ballooning. Soon, they were fighting tooth and nail so much I had to separate them. By then I didnt notice that Luke had a broken tooth and it caused him his life because he couldnt eat at all. Luke died at about a year old but Duke was fine.

Duke was the fiesty one, Luke was the funny big bellied one. I have to admit, I liked Luke alot better, because he was so clumsy and his belly was so big. Both couldnt stand being cuddled, so I didnt carry them alot but they were cute in their own way. Luke was a monster eater, he’d eat alot and stuff food all day long. Luke loved milk, so much that he’d finish 2 tablespoons of milk powder a day. Even as an adult, he’d drink so much milk and bang on his wired doors if he didnt have his daily dose. But Luke died early of starvation. he couldnt chew and milk couldnt sustain him for long.

Duke was the quiet but fiesty one, he was smaller compared to Luke and yes he didnt like to be held or cuddled. But, whenever I whistled to him, he’d dash out of his house like a puppy and wait at the door for a treat. Yes, this was the one thing I thought many hamsters wouldnt do. I thought I was imagining things. Whenever I went close and did a whistling thing, wherever he might be, he just do a mad dash to the door and wait patiently. Duke loved cheese, he was crazy for cheese.

But then Duke got old. Very old, he started shedding hair, he couldnt do any mad dash anymore, he became deaf, he couldnt respond to any sound at all. He’d crawl around the cage slowly, dragging his back legs so very often. He used to live in a 2-storey cage but it had a dangerous ledge which if he was young, it was okay so it was time to move to an elderly-friendly cage. His cage was the previous one Luke lived in and the one both of them grew up in. It was a big floor space and a  large wheel but Duke was too old to even get in the wheel.

But, you know how they say when something is going to die, they do weird stuff that you’d otherwise think they never did anymore. Duke was too old to run in the wheel but just last week, I saw him heave his old and bony body into the wheel and ran quite a while. When I went to school in the morning, I saw him come to the door and lift his front paws again.

Duke was a fiesty hamster with an attitude, but he was a good hamster, just like everyone’s darling.

I took Lucas out of the cage and together, we stared at Duke quietly. Lucas doesnt know what went on but she looks sad too. As I cleared the hamster cage, Lucas ran in her wheel which made some weeping noises. I dont know if I am imagining again but ever since I changed the cage for Lucas, she didnt like to run in the wheel because it made weeping noises but she was running on it after I showed Duke to her. Maybe its her way of showing sadness.

I put Duke in a box together with her hideout.

R.I.P Duke. I hope you meet Luke in hamster heaven.

 

love

me

Obsession much?

I know the answer that alot of people and I mean, ALOT of people would say

” HELL YES “

I know I’m addicted to collecting makeup, I’m fascinated by all the wonderful things makeup can do. I like seeing how it transforms a face.

Makeup can give a person confidence you know. When you look yourself in the mirror and see how pretty it can look,  it gives you that extra boost, that extra lift in believing that yes, everyone can be pretty and everyone should be pretty. It makes you feel good about yourself and it creates an outlook to people that yes, you’re all ready to take on the world.

Makeup is an art, how you want to express yourself, everyone have different ways of expression and makeup is just one part of it. Of course, its how you do it that garners all the bad and good reviews. Then again, its self-expression, why do you give a hoot about what others think?

And girls who strongly strongly dislike makeup or are discriminating people who like makeup, you’ll have to wear it someday too and dont be surprised that a little bit of makeup can actually be the key to your future ricebowl. Which employer wants to see eyes with blue/purple eyebags, and look like you’ve not been sleeping for the past one thousand years? When you go for the first impression interview, a bit of concealor and blush will save you.

Some people say “OH I LIKE TO GO AU NATUREL! “

Well, my friend, I didnt ask you to cake on makeup like an inch thick on your face and if you think a bare face with everything exposed is good for you, good luck, because

1) Makeup protects your face. It clogs pores yes, but what doesnt? YOUR ENVIRONMENT CLOGS YOUR PORES ANYWAY. When you step right out of your house and a car whooshes past you, heyho you have soot clogging all of your pore-friends. But if you have a layer of makeup, the soot DOES NOT get into your pores, it catches the soot and when you wipe your makeup off, the soot comes off with your foundation.

2) Makeup is sunscreen and I mean a literal screen on your face to shield from UV rays. We all know how important that is.

3) It makes you look awake. That I really dont need to explain.

 

If you’re a person who likes to wear light light light and healthy makeup, go mineral. Trust me, its better than nothing.

 

And for people who think that brushes are a waste of money, think again. I’m not saying you should own 300 but brushes are efficient tools alongside your fingers. The reason why sometimes you’re put off by makeup, because you apply too much with your fingers. Moral of the story : Use a brush if you’re heavy-handed.

Anyway, that aside, looking at colours makes me super di duper happy. I feel so lifted looking at different blush colours. That’s just me.

So next time, when you’re looking at makeup and you’re spending a longer time at the counter, GOOD FOR YOU. Take your time looking through everything before making a purchase, do your own research and make sure you know what you want, what you need. Ignore all the vainpot comments because those people are ignorant, impatient fools. However, we should not go overboard by letting it consume your life, there are other greater things in life.

That said, if you like makeup, indulge in it. If it makes you a happier person, do it.

By the way, there is a vainpot in everyone.

love

me

Omg, that is so bimbotic!

Think again the next time something like this gets out of your trap.

And yes, it has happened to me personally. First of all, do people really know what is a bimbo? Generally, its a termed coined to describe a woman who is physically attractive but unintelligent.

First of all, if you use this term as a joke or a tease, its fine. But if you start to label a person, you’d better start thinking again. How do you know this person is unintelligent? So you’re pretty damn intelligent?

Let me give you this ironic example which happens to be pretty common. There’s this girl in your class and you label her a ‘bimbo’, you’re saying she’s unintelligent and a no-brainer right?  Hello genius, that means you are too, because you’re in the same damn class.

Next, who are you to call her a bimbo? She, like you started out as a cute little baby with parents. If you label her a bimbo, you’re saying her mother, her grandmother was a bimbo because she has those genes! Would you want your mother to be called a bimbo? “Hey that bimbo mother of yours……”

DOES THAT SOUND GOOD TO YOU? NO? Then stop labelling.

And how would you REALLY know she is unintelligent?

Let me give you this perfect example.

This person, A was a pretty new friend. So then, you know like all get-to-know-you sessions, it was getting kind of chatty and fun. So then as you talk, A gets more and more amazed like he’s never seen any girl talk like that. Then he says “oh, you’re so innocent and naive.” And then when you become better friends, he says “oh you know, I thought you were a bimbo.”

And because of that, he thinks that I am so super duper easy to lie to. He cushions his words, thinking I am gonna suck it all up and go ooh ahh at his words. Well he gotta listen up really well because after I FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS STUFF, I FINALLY KNEW WHAT KIND OF PERSONALITY HE HAD AND I’M GOING TO WRITE IT DOWN.

He is so stereotypical, you’d feel like rolling your eyeballs.

Me, a bimbo? Wait till you listen about his story. So I found out that he has pretty strict parents, or parents that arent that easy to deal with, mmm, quite similar to mine, strict upbringing. Then I remembered how he’d tell me about a girl he fancies and all that, well to me, it seemed like she was all he could think of, she was what made up of all his thoughts, day and night.

Dont you think this person is so narrow-minded that apart from a GIRL, he has nothing else on his mind? His goals? His education? His family and pretty much his own life? I told my mum about it and she was like “doesnt he have any other things in his life he should think about? ” She is so damn right.

And he said I was a bimbo? Look who’s talking. I have like every other person, been through enough to know that there’s nothing more that I want then finishing my degree, get a great job and providing for my family. I have goals, I dont sit around thinking about boys all the time and neither should anyone, its an integral part yes, move on and think about greater things in life.

So he blabbed on about himself and all and he, like alot of other people, dont have good relationships with his family. Oh many, freaking times do I want to get this across? If you FREAKING KNOW that you’re not good with your family, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I can’t say I had a good relationship with my family all the time ever since I was young. I had rebellious times too, when I was say, 14? But now, I know how important family is to me, and I make effort to build good ties. Its not easy, but you still have to do it. I am still gaining trust and I am still learning. And I am only 20, he’s much older mind you. But still so childish. Grow up, A.

Well, he can go on thinking that I’m still bimbotic to him, because we know the big truth dont we?

 

Good luck A.

2009

I miss all the “studying” times. Like seriously, looking back on pictures, I do miss them.

 

I MISS MY GREY HOODIE, I still curse the person who stole it.

 

 

 

 

I had and left my first job.

 

And the girls continue to grow

I became a moose.

and we continued to grow

 

 

And i found love,

 

And I continue to grow with him,

and we all will live happily ever after.

Fuzzy is witty. I like.

FAHZEEELEEENN

♥ says:

hmmm

hahaha i dont know to say yes or nocheryl says:

just say yes, dont challenge logic

FAHZEEELEEENN

♥ says:

hahaha but in a way it’s not hahacheryl says:

hahaha

FAHZEEELEEENN

♥ says:

so what makes you want to grace us with your awesome presence on msn hahahacheryl says:

hahaha

the power of boredom my dear fahzeeleen

by the way, i like your witty humour

it cracks me up

Fatty Fatty Bom Bom

I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT. YES.

Surprisingly, its damn fun when you do it in a group with all the fatty fatty bom boms and challenge each other to play stupid games on the treadmill. Like increase your gradient to an obscene level then walking on it hands-free and possibly dance on it as if it was a catwalk.

Its damn fun and it burns calories, I’m still obsessed with finding out about how to increase my metabolism and trying not to be jealous when SKF has SKYHIGH METABOLISM and working out is quite fun but I dont want it to consume my life and yes, I still eat,if you’re wondering.

EATING IS MY LIFE!

So, SKF and I are getting even better, well we’ve had certain bumps when we rubbed each other the wrong way (pun unintended) but we’re learning more and more, giving more and more, I’m less bratty, less princessy, eh I wasnt to start with okay? but you get the point, changed for the better. All the inner frustration from schoolwork has gone into my absolute fat-blaster, Muay Thai. Yeah people are not comfortable with girls learning Muay Thai, whats the deal? I’m not giving that up soon, so deal with it. And no, I dont do Muay Thai on SKF, i’m completely gentle.

Other than that, life is pretty good!

On another note, just for extras, i’m beginning to like SKF again, as in those you know, first fleeting affections-ish. Weird I know but its a secret of mine, nobody should know.

shhh.

love

me

PS: I RECEIVED THE BODY SHOP STAR LOYALTY CARD, WILL TALK ABOUT IT MORE MAYBE NEXT TIME. THANK YOU BODYSHOP!

OMG.

It has been a freaking long long long time yeah?

Schoolwork, NOT SCHOOL has been crazy. I AM A STUDY FREAK.

People say that when you get to the degree level, its a breeze. Dont believe any word of it, to me its alot of work, like lecturers can talk for 3 hours and the rest is up to you. Literally. But am I enjoying it? Strangely yes.

Maybe its because on a school day, i have only one lecture after 3 hours, I’m free so it kinda gives you a whole lot of time to do other things and funnily, I get so tired after each lecture.

Back when I was in school, I stayed in school till 5pm and I could still go for my cca, do council stuff whatever. But now, school ends at 11.30 am and all I want is to go home and snooze for a couple of hours before waking up to yes, study.

Now, I go to the library, TO PRINT EXTRA NOTES. Yes, freaking hell, when you’re in university, you dont get extra help, you do it yourself which is kind of  a good thing.

See, when we were in school, teachers hand out notes and all, and you go “GAAAAAAAAAH, SO MUCH TO READ”

wait till you come to university, YOU WILL WANT TO GO DIG FOR EXTRA INFORMATION because the ones given to you is not enough, and you’re gonna be thirsty for knowledge. I super like the way I am now, I feel like I appreciate studying a whole lot more.

Whats worse, I’m faced with studying 24/7 because I have class on a saturday. I dont get weekends free.

I really used to think that when I go to university, its going to a blaaaaast having fun during my first year. HELL NO, YOU DO NOT SPEND $30,000 just to end up with a pass.

But is it daunting with the amount of hours I spend on studying?

Surprisingly not. And oh, those people you see with manicured everything,  those who dress in the latest fashion and strut around school, you and I have seen all that. Take it as eye candy and dont get all envious because the real crunch time comes when exams loom near and trust me, there isnt going to be much eyeliner when it comes to exam time. When your 3-4 years are up, all these are not going to help you get a good job so save the eyeliner now, study your ass off even if you look like freakozoid while at it and say hello! to another new dimension with those awesome grades of yours in 3 years. Then you will be strutting around the CBD area with impossibly, painfully high stilettos liaising with clients. Oh god, liaising sounds oh-so-sexy and important doesnt it?

 

love

me

Mum, I miss you.

Its so close to 3am and I cant sleep.

Sis and I had a talk, like a really long talk and suddenly, I miss my mother.

I dont know, maybe the things around me have kinda made me think about my mother. Its the 10th year this year. And I’m still weeping like a kid in times like this when I miss her.

Maybe its the fact that I’m starting university, so I’m feeling this way.

Isnt this feeling familiar? When I started school in sec 1, I stood in front of her grave. When I started school in MI, I stood in front of her grave . When I stepped down from SC, I stood in front of her grave. When I completed A levels, I stood in front of her grave.

Mum, you’ve been so silent that I can only hope we’ll be reunited when I pass on. I look at SKF’s family, I think of you. I look at Ali’s family, I think of you. How nice it would be to have you back.

I think of all the things I’ve been through, the times in secondary school where I thought I saw you, turned out to be lookalikes, the times I went up to our old house, just to think back on what it was like to stay there.

The times I called your old handphone number,it always remained a Singtel invalid number. The only things that live through me, our memories at Orchard, your love for animals and your singing.

It hit me really hard when Sis said : “You know why our family is so protective? Because we dont have a mother.”

Then it hit me, its true. And it doesnt help that my father isnt taking care of us. Its not like we’re still young and still need to be taken care of. I dont resent anything, not even my father but I just dont feel close to him. I’ve already accepted fate, even if I could turn back time, I’d still choose to lose you than see you suffer, watching the illness consume you.

But I’d change one thing, I’d want to be wiser and not so gullible. I’d want to share your pain of losing us, and not be led to think you were all right, that you recovered when it was because there was no hope, no cure, no more fighting left for you, so the doctors let you eat whatever you wanted.

Why did you not tell me the truth mum? Why did you let me leave the room happily? Why did you let me think I would see you tomorrow again? If I knew that week was your last week, I’d accompany you to see all the sunsets, sunrises and all the beautiful sights in life. I think I would cry,whine,act like a spoilt child because I didnt want you to go, but I was really led to think you were fine, only to come back late at night to find out you slipped away quietly, without saying goodbye.

Mum, do you know how I felt that night? The few torturous minutes when I saw you, laying there like you were sleeping, but knowing you would never wake up anymore,smile at me and look at me. When the whole room of adults were crying out loud, and the kids’ cries were even louder because we were afraid that even adults were sobbing. Everyone took turns to grab at us,hoping that we wouldnt pass out or go hysterical. Sis cried in one corner, I cried the loudest, grabbing at your body while Grandma held me back.Grandma said you left not too long ago, I cried even louder knowing you have just slipped away. Then the crying turned to weeping, I think every single one in the ward were at a loss. I grew tired from crying so hard, I slumped into Grandma while your brothers, my uncles came in, cried and punching walls. I was ushered out and it became a blur after that, I remembered us going back to our house and choosing your favourite clothes for your funeral and back to Grandma’s house to sleep, if anyone of us were able to. I slept very quickly, but woke up to a nightmare. During 3 days of  your wake, I had recurring nightmares and constantly stood by you in the chapel. But I didnt watch your cremation. I really couldnt. I am so sorry. I guess not watching you really go was probably the reason why I still cannot find closure. There wasnt a proper end for me. Maybe I should have gone along with Sis. But I couldnt, I was hysterical, I didnt want to go. In the end, Grandma and I looked out of the window together, watching the skies. It was peaceful, just like any other day. But from then on, Mummy will no longer call me to ask me what I was doing, I cant call Mummy anymore ,hug me at night,fetch me from school when I was sick, let me smell the perfume on you, bring me to your office on Saturdays.

Few months down the road, it became better but I still cried every now and then, sometimes hysterically when the missing became too strong.

But I remembered your words, “If one day Mummy is not here, you must be a strong girl”

I hope I am. The missing gets tough sometimes. I wonder if you were here, how would things be different from now?

I still look to you for answers.

So, to all those of you with mothers out there, treasure your mothers because when you dont have a proper goodbye when the time comes, you end up grieving for years,wishing you had done this, done that. Be filial when your mums are still around, show them you appreciate them and that you love them. Because when they are gone, they are truly gone. Its like a hard slap, the pain is excruciating at first and is sore for a while before it starts to subside.

The pain is subsiding for me, but it will never go away. It is only natural I think. But I am glad that even at 10 years of age, I was always filial to my mum and I know that. I was a Mummy’s girl, and will always be.

credits to a fantastic person in flikr.